Four Animals

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says".

The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"

The little girl said,
"A mink on my back,
a jaguar in the garage,
a tiger in my bed and
a jackass to pay for all of it."

The teacher fainted.

Heavenly Football Match

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about football.

This goes on and on with both arguing who would field the best team.

Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral ground between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.

"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven.

"But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."

"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed, "but we've got all the officials!"