Life...

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive & well perserved body, but rather to skid in sideways: chocolate in one hand, martini in other, body throughly used up and totally worn out screaming "WHOOOHOOOO WHAT A RIDE!"

Never Accept Candy from a Stranger...

What is Love?

So sue me, I was feeling sappy...

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
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"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8
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"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4
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"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5
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"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6
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"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4
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"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7
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"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss."

Emily - age 8
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"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
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"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
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"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7
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"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6
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"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8
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"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6
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"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5
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"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."

Chris - age 7
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"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4
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"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4
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"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)

Karen - age 7
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"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."

Mark - age 6
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"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8
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And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry."

Why Dogs Attack

Another way to Amuse Yourself

Instructions for a fun time on the interstate.....................
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive like a bat out of hell....
Step 3. Watch people freak out !!!!

Can you imagine some guy going 90 mph with these balloons trailing a few yards behind him?

Airline Pilot Simulator

Here is a home study simulator course for those who, deprived of "over 60" flying, still hunger for the romance and adventure of airline flying. That "Romance and Adventure" will all come back to you if you follow the steps of this "practice trip" at home:

1. Stay out of bed all night.
2. Sit in your most uncomfortable chair, in a closet, for nine or ten hours facing a four foot wide panoramic photo of a flight deck.
3. Have two or three noisy vacuum cleaners on high, out of sight but within hearing distance and operating throughout the night. If a vacuum cleaner fails, do the appropriate restart checklist.
4. Halfway through your nocturnal simulator course, arrange for a bright spotlight to shine directly into your face for two or three hours, simulating flying an eastbound flight into the sunrise.
5. Have bland overcooked food served on a tray midway through the night.
6. Have cold cups of coffee delivered from time to time. Ask your spouse to slam the door frequently.
7. At the time when you must heed nature's call, force yourself to stand outside the bathroom door for at least ten minutes, transferring your weight from leg to leg, easing the discomfort. Don't forget to wear your hat.
8. Leave the closet after the prescribed nine or ten hours, turn on your sprinklers and stand out in the cold and "rain" for twenty minutes, simulating the wait for the crew car.
9. Head for your bedroom, wet and with your suitcase and flight bag. Stand outside the door till your wife gets up and leaves, simulating the wait while the maid makes up the hotel room.
10. When your spouse inquires, "Just what in the hell have you been doing?" just say, "Recalling the allure of all night flying to romantic places." as you collapse into bed.
11. If you are a purist, make this a two-day trip instead of a turn-around, and do this two nights in a row.
12. Ask your mailman to tear your pension check into thirds and leave one of the pieces in your mailbox.

Hope you enjoy your sim session.