Fear of Flying?

This story is from one of the " lucky " passengers on board a Northwest Airlines flight to Boston during hurricane "Bob".

The captain did his best to skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same. Rough enough that the flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves Into their seats for about half an hour, and many of the passengers were putting the little plastic-lined bags in their seat pockets to good use.

When the turbulence finally abated, the flight attendant un-buckled themselves, and the captains voice came on the intercom. "Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn't it"? But we came through it fine, just the way we always do, and I'm happy to report that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On behalf of myself and today's flight crew, I'd like to thank you very much for your calmness and cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Boston. After a short pause and several clicks the passengers heard.....

"What a fuckin' nightmare ride!. Man, I sure could use a cup of strong coffee and a good blow job right about now. I think I earned it."

As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin (to inform the captain that his intercom was still on), one of the passengers called after her, "Don't forget the coffee!"

A Dying Wish

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die, you will have my remains cremated."

"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"

The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, 'Now, you have everything.'"