Saturday, November 26, 2005

Billboards I'd Like to See 34: Taser

Quiet Sex

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"

She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Billboards I'd Like to See 33: American Kennel Club

Billboards I'd Like to See 32: Hot Dogs

Confounded Sex

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.

His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.

The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.

The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen"

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Billboards I'd Like to See 31: Entenmann's

Loud Sex

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

Does she---?

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming, and she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.

"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Reid is 62 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

Billboards I'd Like to See 30: Dyslexia

Monday, November 21, 2005

KY

Nora's husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, she squirted it all over the doorknobs and he couldn't get back in.

Billboards I'd Like to See 29: Sperm Banks

Social Security Sex

Two men were talking.
"So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

Billboards I'd Like to See 28: McDonald's