tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-188557712024-03-14T03:20:11.387-07:00random jokesThis is where I will compile all the jokes & forwards that I receive from all the random people I know all over the place. Just as a heads up, I find these funny to some degree, not all of them are clean or politically correct. Oh, and please check out my website and my other blogs, in the sidebar on the right. Kisses! <i>The R.O. Goddess</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger687125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-19013404528823674222008-09-18T20:54:00.002-07:002008-09-19T20:26:06.879-07:00Palin & ClintonUnknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-26583627787152666132008-09-18T20:54:00.001-07:002008-09-18T20:54:58.356-07:00Anger ManagementWhen you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"Suddenly a Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-62884567157985732032008-06-27T21:20:00.000-07:002008-06-27T21:22:27.323-07:00Tulane StudyA study conducted by Tulane's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-81413509258767561502008-06-25T10:45:00.000-07:002008-06-25T10:46:08.845-07:00ServiceI became confused when I heard these terms which reference the word service. Internal Revenue Service, U.S. Postal Service, Telephone Service, T.V. Service, Civil Service, City & County Public Service, Customer Service, and Service Stations This is not what I thought service meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to service a few cows. BAM!!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-65231069576260580132008-06-16T20:29:00.000-07:002008-06-16T20:35:45.370-07:00Colored PeopleThis was written by a black gentleman in Texas and is so funny. What a great sense of humor and creativity!!! When I was born, I was BLACKWhen I grew up, I was BLACKWhen I went in the sun, I stayed BLACKWhen I got cold, I was BLACK When I was scared, I was BLACKWhen I was sick, I was BLACKAnd when I die, I'll still be BLACK. NOW, You "white" folks.... When you're born, you're PINKWhen youUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-11812656980387621602008-06-12T11:31:00.000-07:002008-06-12T11:32:49.764-07:00SnifferA man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. 'His name is Sniffer and he'sUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-79792361752741972132008-06-11T12:13:00.000-07:002008-06-11T12:14:16.684-07:00Reverse GraffitiUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-66119917223463210212008-06-06T20:56:00.000-07:002008-06-06T21:00:52.501-07:00Seen in a WindowSign over a Gynecologist's Office:"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."**************************In a Podiatrist's office:"Time wounds all heels."**************************On a Septic Tank Truck:Yesterday's Meals on Wheels**************************At a Proctologist's door:"To expedite your visit please back in."**************************On a Plumber's truck:"We repair what your husband fixed."************Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-58722484999178245252008-06-05T21:22:00.000-07:002008-06-05T21:24:32.225-07:00The Middle Wifeby an Anonymous 2nd grade teacherI've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-23823720947606438092008-06-02T18:25:00.000-07:002008-06-02T18:26:14.095-07:00Flat TireA car gets a flat on the interstate one day.The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.She takes out two cardboard men unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.Not Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-29951474524758278052008-06-01T19:58:00.000-07:002008-06-01T19:59:28.944-07:00Sean Connery: Celebrity JeopardyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-49291652142437351322008-05-28T14:57:00.000-07:002008-05-28T15:02:39.904-07:00OnestoneThere once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone.'He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'The word got around and nobody called him that any more.Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-89757357669287606302008-05-22T09:54:00.000-07:002008-05-22T09:57:17.427-07:00Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?BARACK OBAMA:The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE! JOHN MC CAIN:My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON:When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makesUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-83533509126299441152008-04-22T15:59:00.000-07:002008-04-22T16:02:10.588-07:00Happy Earth DayUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-77114137530225704342008-04-20T22:17:00.000-07:002008-04-20T22:19:57.397-07:00Lie DetectorJohn was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-72953027656388550882008-04-08T10:43:00.000-07:002008-04-08T10:46:18.427-07:00Stages in a Man's LifeSingleMarriedDivorcedUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-80844708919085950962008-04-08T10:27:00.000-07:002008-04-08T10:28:03.849-07:00Tax SeasonA woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?" "I'm a whore," she says. The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "No, no, no. That won't work. Let's try to rephrase that." Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-31026173272401232042008-04-04T17:48:00.000-07:002008-04-04T17:49:20.042-07:00RetirementOne day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-30111438099666680262008-03-06T22:53:00.000-08:002008-03-06T23:00:11.265-08:00(Un)Lucky IrishSix retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Finally, Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Well, me boys, someone gots to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?" They draw straws. Paul GallagherUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-55919968630940618692008-03-02T10:41:00.001-08:002008-03-02T10:42:34.728-08:00Airman JonesAirman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.Jones Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-16781450786088071512008-03-02T10:33:00.000-08:002008-03-02T10:35:28.887-08:00Caught SleepingThe ten best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:"They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.""This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent to me.""Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time.""I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new business Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-70613546711594694382008-03-02T10:03:00.000-08:002008-03-02T10:05:02.440-08:00PillsA row of bottles on my shelfCaused me to analyze myself.One yellow pill I have to popGoes to my heart so it won't stop.A little white one that I takeGoes to my hands so they won't shake.The blue ones that I use a lotTell me I'm happy when I'm not.The purple pill goes to my brainAnd tells me that I have no pain.The capsules tell me not to wheezeOr cough or choke or even sneeze.The red ones, Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-65447152535975393392008-02-18T18:56:00.000-08:002008-02-18T19:32:01.065-08:00toilet flyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-75753898267010972522008-02-15T23:33:00.000-08:002008-02-15T23:35:23.743-08:00Freeze!A Bunch of people froze in place in Grand Central Station in New York for 5 MinutesUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18855771.post-27977896640356525272008-02-14T10:52:00.000-08:002008-02-14T10:54:53.390-08:00Animator vs. AnimatedAnimator versus AnimatedJust watch...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0