Dear Santa....

Ok, so this one you have to do yourself...

It's really funny though, kinda like madlibs.... If you go over to my personal blog, you can read mine.... but do yours first:
http://members.aol.com/frogiearno/dearsanta.htm

College

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through first semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents had given him for school.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his redneck father.

"Dad," he says," you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

"So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

His father sends the money. The boy has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So, he shoots the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited.

"Where's Fido? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked: "Is your daddy still cheating on your mama and messin' around with that cute little redhead next door" ?

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that damn dog".

"I sure did, Dad! I sure did!!!"

"That's my boy!"

The Amazing Brain

[For some reason it won't animate on my computer here, but if you click on the picture, it'll open in a new window and animate there.]

If your eyes follow the movement of the rotating pink dot, you will only see one color, pink.

If you stare at the black + in the center, the moving dot turns to green.

Now, concentrate on the black + in the center of the picture (really concentrate on it alone). After a short period of time, all the pink dots will slowly disappear, and you will only see a green dot rotating.

It's amazing how our brain works. There really is no green dot, and the pink ones really don't disappear!! This should be proof enough, we don't always see what we think we see.

Billboards I'd Like to See 43: Tatoo Artists of America

Oops!! (part 6)

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!

Oops!! (part 5)

While on a flight from New York, the Stewardesses were busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off!"

No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other Stewardesses were laughing all the way and half of the passengers.

Oops!! (part 4)

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.

Oops!! (part 3)

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.

Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No."

I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."

Then I said, "Dan! My, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled.

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

Oops!! (part 2)

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

Oops!! (part 1)

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back.

Proof of Global Warning!!