Cows

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both
to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow.
Of course, that cow was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other,
pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You pretend to sell one, lease it back to yourself, and do an IPO
on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have
downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN (& Ukrainian) CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you
really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's
private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while
they were in the veterinary hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their moos.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed
attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking cow.
Some of the people who like the brown one best,
vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
which is the best-looking cow.

NEW YORK CORPORATION

You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd.
So you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders