A Couple of Aviation Stories

One evening at happy hour at the Ft. Riley officer's club, a buddy of mine who was an Army pilot told me a hilarious story. He said they'd been sent to Kansas City International Airport to pick up some people. When they got near, they radioed the tower for instruction.

Army xxx, flight of three, requesting landing instructions for the private terminal. The tower radioed back that they were number three to land following two commercial flights. A moment later the tower radioed again, voice rising in near panic, Army xxx, we show you with ZERO ground speed! Are you declaring an emergency?

He calmly replied, No, we're hovering over the outer marker waiting for clearance. We're a helicopter; we can do that you know.

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A United Airlines 747 captain tries to make light banter with Sydney, Australia, Approach Control

Captain: "Good morning, Sydney, this is United XXX, we're 50 miles out and have your island in sight "

Approach: "Roger, United you're cleared to circle the island twice, then it's okay to land."

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Air Traffic Control: Piper N4444D, traffic at your 2o'clock, 500 ft below you.

Piper N4444D: Well, we see a light coming towards us...

Air Traffic Control: Look again N4444D there's probably a plane behind that light.

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Ground Control: "123DG, bear to the left, disabled aircraft on the right."

Pilot: "123DG, Roger, I have the disabled aircraft in sight, but I don't see the bear yet."

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While doing some work, heard the following exchange on Kennedy Tower frequency:

Twr: Cactus 51, turn right zulu and golf, hold behind the plane that's stopped to recycle.

Cactus 51: Cactus 51 we'll make the right zulu and golf, behind the recycled airplane ... whatever that means.

Trw: C'mon Cactus, you guys should know what that means, you fly Airbus' -- it's when the screens go blank and you have to restart them all.

Cactus 51: Oh, yeah, we know about that. We just thought it was 'cause we were out of quarters.

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Overheard at my local airport this Superbowl weekend...

N465: Ground, N465 at Pacific Aviation, VFR to the west with Victor, ready for taxi, we're going to need a progressive, please.

Ground: N465, roger. Alpha three, right Bravo, hold short 27 Right.

[short pause]

Unknown: Hike!