Too Young to Die

Tom did like he always does, he kissed his wife, crawled into bed and fell asleep.

All of a sudden, he woke up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy," said St. Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is yours."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured that being a dog is too tiring; but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But, now he felt like his ass was gonna blow.

Then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about, how do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK, I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?"

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed and pushed: then 'plop,' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow!!" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And plop, out came another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're shitting all over the bed!"