Clarification of Texas Hunting Law

The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department issued a statement today saying Vice President Cheney broke no law by shooting a lawyer instead of a quail over the weekend.

A TPWD spokesman noted that, in Texas, lawyers are not considered game creatures, and are thus not subject to seasonal limitations or bag limits. It was further noted that lawyer hunting was encouraged as the state is overrun with the pesky creatures.

A local food critic said that, contrary to rumor, lawyers do not taste like chicken, but rather like bovine dung which is a major component of their composition. Below is a complete listing of the regulations.....

Texas 2005- 2006 Season and Bag Limit On Attorneys

1. Any person with a valid Texas hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Attorneys may be taken with traps and deadfalls. Currency may not be used as bait.
3. Attorneys may not be killed with a motorized vehicle. If accidentally struck, the hunter should move the carcass to the roadside, and proceed to a car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a motor vehicle, watercraft or aircraft. Marked police vehicles may be used as shooting platforms.
5. It is unlawful to shout, "Whiplash, Ambulance,or Free Booze" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of Mercedes, BMW, Lexus, or Infiniti dealerships.
7. It is unlawful for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, female law clerk, sheep, accident victim, physician, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
8. Care should be used so as not to endanger any remaining species. We would not want a repetition of the disaster that followed the "no limit" season on the subspecies, "Honest Lawyers". That particular variety is near extinction. Excessive harvesting could diminish the chances for survival of the Bill of Rights.