Very Punny

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
   Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
   Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
   They Take The Psycho Path.
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
   You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
   Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
   Polaroids.
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
   A Stick
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
   Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
   Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
    Quattro Sinko.
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
    Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
    Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
    A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
    Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
    Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
    Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
    Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
    Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
    The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
    Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
    A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Damn!
    A Bad Skydiver Goes Damn! Whack.
22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
    Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

CWS

Hummer

Bad Drivers

Stuck Pen

A coworker got his ink pen stuck inside our printer while trying to clear a jam. He attempted several times to remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it. We would have to report it to the Help Desk later. So he grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and started writing the warning, so I left.

About 20 minutes later, one of my techs came in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.

Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to...

Hard Drive: 1956

The Volume and Size of 5MB memory storage in 1956.

In September 1956 IBM launched the 305 RAMAC, the first computer with a hard disk drive (HDD). The HDD weighed over a ton and stored 5MB of data.

Makes you appreciate your 4 GB USB drive, doesn't it?

Female President

TGIF

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "T-G-I-F" means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, yes, 'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

Rabbit in the Forest

The LAPD, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it -- including the rabbit -- and make no apologies. "The rabbit had it coming."

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."

I love L.A.

What does your daddy do?

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."