random jokes: movies

Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Accident

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooooo stressed and life-stuff seems to get really funny?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . he was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Facts of Life

Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People.'
Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
My mind works like lightning, One brilliant flash and it is gone.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable Now,of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out,gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
A blonde said, 'I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.'
My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, 'Will? What Will?I'm making a list of the people I want to bite.'
Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Writer's Strike

Overheard on the Line...

Monday, July 02, 2007

Hugh Hefner

"Universal Pictures announced they plan to make a movie about the life of Hugh Hefner. I don’t want to say that Hugh Hefner is getting old, but do you know who is playing the young Hugh Hefner? Peter O’Toole."